What is The Real Secret Formula to Improve Your Conversations?

I have written a lot of articles and a special report about how people can improve their small talk and conversations skills. I get not only good compliments from people who thank for my articles on making conversation but also many complaints from people about my articles.

The main complaints I get about my conversation articles goes something like this: “I read this article about conversation because I thought it was going to tell me exactly what to say to people. Now I am disappointed because the author didn't tell me exactly what to say."

I can sympathize with the people who complain because I used to feel that excessively.

Therefore, I spent many years trying to learn how to overcome my shyness and learn the secrets of making conversation with other people. I kept looking for that magic conversation formula that would tell me exactly what to say to people.

In addition, guess what? There is no secret formula.

I realize now that looking for a formula for talking to people is a mistake. I repeat again, there is no formula for making conversation!

A conversation is simply two people making an exchange of words, ideas, opinions, feelings or facts. No two conversations are ever alike. Conversations can always go in any direction. Some conversations work well, and some do not.

I realized that making conversation is not a science, with any rigid formulas. Making conversation is more like an art form. Because making conversation is an art form and not a science, you can be creative when you make conversation. Like any art form, you can increase your skill with practice. Like any art form, when you make conversation, you can throw out all the rules.

Just like there is not any formula for how you should dance or how you should paint, there is not any real formula for how you make conversation.

When making conversation, to some extent, you have to express yourself, but you also have to hide yourself. You do not want to reveal everything about yourself to everybody. You have to spend time looking around for the people you really want to talk with and to spend time with.

Here is another reason why you cannot really have a formula for making conversation.

In a conversation, you are only responsible for 50 % of the talking. People, who are very worried about finding the secret formula for making conversation, often forget that one of the most important parts of a conversation is to listen. You can be so focused on what you are going to say next, that you totally forget to do the listening part. Really, listen.

Listen with open ears, an open mind, and an open heart. That will take you further than any simple formula about what you should say.